Harry Pye asks Jasper Joffe 100 questions

Harry Pye asks Jasper Joffe 55 questions via email.

1) Do you have a favourite painting in the National Gallery?

I always look for my friend Simeon who is an artist and illustrator who works as a security guard there. The search for him gives me a good way of going round. So I have a favourite guard, not painting.

2) What's the best thing Peter Doig has ever done?

Peter Doig was one of my tutors at the Royal College, but that wouldn't be the best thing he did. I enjoyed pissing him off and I wonder what he was thinking about when he we sat there looking at my bombastic paintings and listening to my somewhat annoying statements.

3) Of all the painters that studied at the Royal College before you, who
impressed, excited or inspired you with their work?

I like Chris Ofili's work. They have one of his student paintings hanging in the staff room, or board room. It looks lively and a bit Basquiatish, and he is still good now. David Hockney was the first contemporary artist I was interested in (like a lot of people). We had a book about him which I would look through when I was growing up. I liked his skill and variation and I would compare my paintings to his portrait of his dad he did when he was a teenager too.

4) What's the best show you've seen in the last 5 years?

The best museum is the Prado. I keep not answering your questions. A show of Markus Lupertz in Vienna, last year, was brilliant. The paintings were dazzling and beautiful.

5) A sculpture is just something you nearly trip over when you step back to
get a decent look at a painting. Discuss.

No, sculpture can be good. For example David Smith and Bernini.

6) How much do you want to catch the ball?

I like catching balls. It is quite stimulating playing catch with a friend.

7) Mark Chapman said he shot John Lennon because of the book, Catcher In The
Rye. During his trial he told the court that if anyone read that book they'd
know why he did it. Have you ever read Catcher In The Rye? Or shot anyone?

I have read Catcher in the Rye and not shot anyone.

8) Mark Chapman sums up the idea that in art - people just see what they
want to see. Discuss.

Seeing is believing.

9) Do you think there is a fear most people have in galleries about liking
the wrong thing?

Yes, that's part of it. I think art is quite difficult to appreciate, so mostly people may not feel anything when they see it (that's what happens to me often). Art's emptiness then leads to people wanting a load of irrelevant information about it.

10) What's the best painting you've ever done / what would you like to have
been judged on?

Working on it.

11) More artists are male than female. And more lunatics are male than
female. And autism affects a lot more men than women. Do you think most of
the great artists were slightly unhinged and possibly autistic?

I don't agree with the logic chain, but am too exhausted to unpick it. I think there would be just as many good women artists as men, if it weren't for the tedious sexism which still lingers.

12) Would you rather own a blue car or a red car?

Can't drive. Would like a Saab. Black.

13) If drawing is taking a line for a walk, what is painting?

Painting is really good.

14) Do you think that getting praise and attention is at the root of why you
paint?

Yes. I believe that's how it began. A teacher and my mother encouraging my dreams of being talented at something.

15) Luke Gottelier once described paying to get into an art exhibition as
being the same as paying to see a chicken masturbate. How much would you
spend on seeing a chicken pleasure herself (if she was a really attractive
chicken)?

I don't like paying to see art or sex.

16) What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

Both are disgusting.

17) Do you think about painting within hours of waking up?

I think about it before I go to sleep and sort of semi-dream up new ones. In the morning I think about lunch.

18) "The pram in the hall way is the death of the artist" - how has being a
daddy changed your work.

Being a father is a rewarding and exciting experience which feeds into my work. Only joking.

19) Is having great doubts about what you do an advantage if you want to be
a decent artist?

Doubt it. I have been feeling very doubtful lately so am telling myself that it will make my paintings better. We will see.

20) What is love?

Love is… never saying sorry.

21) Where is the love?

In my pants. In my paintings.

22) Why should it take the tears of a woman to see how men are?

Tears are for fears. Tough girls don't cry.

23) At what age were you at your most happy?

Gotta be now.

24) Where would you like to be in 10 years time?

In St Johns Wood.

25) Tell me about Worldwidereview.com When did it start? Was it your idea, is
it a collaboration between you and someone else and how successful has it
been so far?

It started in Rome in 2000. I went to a private view at a small gallery, and I thought this show will never get a review, and it seemed a shame that many artists work so hard and receive so little attention. So I thought there should be a web site where anyone could write reviews of any show. I have worked on it with a few different people over the years and it gets around 4000 people reading it a week. The only problem is most of the art reviews are of big shows. So the original idea hasn't worked out. I suppose because people have more to say about famous stuff

26) Your debut novel Water received a rave review in the The Literary Review. How happy
were you with the way it was received in general and do you plan to write a
follow up?

I spent about a year writing it, and I was ecstatic when it was accepted by a publisher. Though I have been slightly disappointed lately when I realised I have made very little money out of it. I bumped into some guy who works at Faber in the pub the other night, and he told me I had to choose between being an artist and a writer. And I didn't want to be rude but I think that's a very stupid statement. He meant if I want to make loads of money. But I hope he is wrong about that too. The reason I wrote was to write, because I love reading. The reason I paint is because I love painting. I didn't contradict the Faber guy because I have the beginning of a second novel hanging around, and I want to make big bucks by selling it to him.

27) Does energy breed energy?

What goes round comes round.

28) Which of the 7 deadly sins are you most guilty of?

Gluttony.

29) At what period of his life was Picasso making his most interesting work?

Late Picasso, of course.

30) Of the 24 paintings you did in 24 hours which was the most successful?

I did it twice, once in London and once in Milan. The first time, the last one was best. Not really. I didn't work on them in order. The next time I was better at it, and they were more worked on and diverse.

31) How much of your own work do you put on your walls at home? Have you made
any work that you'd never sell?

In order to get them out the way I have all my small paintings on the hall wall. I'd sell them all.

32) What's the most you've been in debt?

More than I've ever earnt by working.

33) You have an unusual link to Tony Hancock. Remind me what it is. Also,
did you ever find him funny?

I hate to offend you but I have never found him it all funny. My Uncle Eddie wrote a book about him because he was working on a tv show with him, and Hancock was staying with him I think in Australia, when Hancock killed himself in his garage.

34) Hancock's last words were, "Things went wrong too many times". Is that
how you feel?

No.

35) When Rose was pregnant with your daughter or after she gave birth - were
you ever jealous of the bond they had or felt excluded?

Alba, my daughter, and I have always been close because I carried her round in a baby-bjorn carrier when she was a really small baby. I suppose in some way I am jealous I will never be able to experience being pregnant or giving birth myself.

36) Peter Cook once said that in order for someone to become prime minister
they have to be "confident in their own madness" do you think this applies
to falling in love and being an artist?

Falling in love, yes. Artist, no because you need to be hard on yourself sometimes.

37) If you met someone in their early 30's who said their favourite artist
was Dali would you lose a bit of respect for them?

Dali is actually quite good, despite a lot of people liking him for stupid reasons.

Actually one reason he is good is because he makes weird stuff up, which is the same reason everyone else likes him.

38) Which of the following do you know least about - science, sport, the
film career of Michael Caine?

Michael Caine.

39) What is the most memorable kiss you've ever experienced?

There are some good ones in Bogart/ Bacall films.

40) Have you ever felt so happy you thought you might burst?

I have felt so happy with dinner that I thought I would burst.

41) Do you believe that if you starred at a piece of furniture really hard
and for a really long time that you could make it move?

No.

42) Have you ever fainted (if so when and where and why)

I fainted once when I was about 6 and I cut my finger on my new pen-knife. The next time was when I was about 20, masturbating after a hot bath.

43) Do you find Debbie Harry of Blondie attractive?

No.

44) Which artist makes the more interesting work - Tracey Emin or Sarah
Lucas?

Emin.

45) Can you recite a line of poetry from either John Donne or William
Shakespeare?

To be or not to be, no man is an island, for whom the bell tolls, a rose by any other name etc.

46) What's the longest you've ever spent on the internet?

I used to play poker tournaments for hours and hours.

47) Can you name 5 art critics you respect or admire?

I like Matthew Collings, Peter Schjeldahl, Clement Greenberg. That's it. So no.

48) Is it hip to be square?

No. I hate squares.

49) Do you prefer William Blake's writing to his painting?

I never read his writing. His painting is ok.

50) What dish can you cook well? Or what meal can you prepare best? (are you
good at cooking?)

I am a quite good cook. I am good at cooking meat and I can do most things including baking cakes. I do the cooking.

51) Do you own any records by The Cure?

I own no records.

52) Is John Cleese funny?

Yes.

53) Is it important to be the best?

Yes.

54) What will your next show (after this one) be like?

One step at a time. As they say in snooker, one frame at a time. Or football, one game. Or tennis, one point.

55) Is it important to draw everyday?

No.

56) What does it mean to be?

Being is all we have. By being I mean being alive. If you are alive, I can't see any reason to be unhappy (besides severe pain, the massacre of your family, grinding poverty etc) because it's all there is. I am sure being may have some philosophical meaning that I am missing, but who cares about definitions.

2) Albert Camus once said, "We get into the habit of livingbefore
acquringthe habit of thinking." Do you find that interesting / can you come
up with a more interesting quote than Albert?

It's all in the mind. Living and thinking are the same.

3) Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body?

My mind and body are the same thing.

4) Now that you're a Dad do you have less time on your hands to contemplate
the meaning of existence?

Au contraire. On the contrary. Definitely focuses the mind. You have different choices. I was reading an interview with Damon Hill, former racing driver, and he only started winning once he had a kid. I am hoping for the same effect.

5) At what age did you start thinking, "There is no God"?

I clung to the idea of a sort of ChristianGod until the age of 18 when I had this Christian friend at Oxford, and he and I used to argue about religion. I convinced myself that God was a sentimental delusion. My friend is now a priest in America. I also remember something Primo Levi wrote about a certain Atheist or Communist in a concentration camp never recanting their ideas in the face of great horror. That made me ashamed to be still holding on to my hope of a divine power shaping my life.

6) Do you think, "I need art like I need a God" was a good title for a show
by Tracey Emin?

Yes. Quite Good.

7) Satre once said, "If someone comes to you for advice, it is because the
answer has already been chosen". Do you relate to this?

I prefer something I read about Sartre's girlfriend Simone saying she fell in love with him because he said he didn't know the answers.

8) Lou Reed once sang, "Situations arise because of the weather and no types
of love are better than others". What say you?

Love is good. But what about people who love dogs. Is that not worse than people who love each other?

9) Do you ever think it would be good if everyone acted like there wereonly
8 hours left to live?

I often think that it would be good if I acted like that. If everyone did, I think there would lots of traffic jams.

10) Kierkegaard once remarked, "It is my fate to be trampled to death my
geese." Have you ever thought how you'll die - what would you like to be
doing?

I would like to live till my late period. I love life so really want to avoid dying.

Sometimes I think about absurd ways famous people have died such as doing press-ups or under trams. But then I think it has become kind of cool to die like that, as though it shows humility. I think death is stupid and a waste of time, full stop.

11) In 1889 Nietzsche saw a coachman whipping an old horse. He reacted by
embracing the animal's neck and sobbing. When was the last time you cried
over an incident involving an animal?

I may have cried in the year 2000 when I heard belatedly that my dog Gordon had died. I had a puppy, a westie, who died almost as soon as we got her, when I was a teenager, and I remember crying then.

12) Do you see yourself as a tiger of wrath or a horse of instruction?

I am the tiger of instruction. Rockie!

13) What was the best painting Matisse ever did?

The piano lesson or teacher. It is New York. Very good diagonals and triangles.. And I don't know why diagonals are good, but this is a very good painting.

14) Francis Bacon's paintings were once described as " a game without
reason" - can you see why this might be?

I hate Francis Bacon's painting. They are worse than Salvador Dali.

15) What percentage of fame and fortune is down to pure luck?

In my case all of it.

1) are you a better painter than you are friend?

I am very good at both.

2) which would annoy you most - if someone said your paintings were shit
because you're a woman hater or, if someone said they're shit because
they're boring?

Not all questions can be answered either/or. I would prefer to be a feminist genius painter than the opposite.

3) how much anti-semitism exits in london - have you ever had to suffer
racism/anti-jewishness?

Too much anti-semitism. Quite a lot of people I know seem to assume that Jewish people are in a powerful political or economic position and so therefore it's ok to make dodgy remarks about them.

It depresses me that the same crap things people were saying about Jews 70 years ago are resurfacing.At school anti-semitic stuff ranged from the Yiddo, Yiddo chant of football supporters, to throwing pennies at kids wearing yarmulkes, to one friend of mine who would make charming jokes about gas chambers. This can be seen in a context of the usual extreme homophobia of school children (which often goes unremarked) and racial insults about black, asian, and other people. I find one of the most annoying things these days is people either assuming I am Jewish, or continually asking me whether I am, as though this will explain me. I would like to be free from assumptions based on my background and be judged on what I say and do.

4) can you imagine making a painting, feeling very proud, excited and happy
about it but not showing it to anyone?

Yes. That's a nice idea. If a tree falls in a wood etc. In reality it's quite hard so see paintings until they have been seen.

5) whose the better artist Peter Lamb or Luke Gottelier?

Luke Lamb.

6) What's the most you've ever got out of the art council or british
council?

Arts Council gave me £1200.

7) do you like fizzy drinks like coke?

Yes I drink coke every day when I am painting.

8) have you ever reviewed yourself on your world wide review site?

No. I avoid that.

9) Can you name a member of the rolling stones other than Mick Jagger and
Keith Richard?

I could google it.

10) what are you best at - chess or tennis

Tennis.

11) when will you teach your child to swim?

Alba has been swimming since she was a tiny baby, but her mother is in charge of that.

12) do you prefer baths to showers?

Baths.

13) are you supersticious about anything?

I try not to be and eliminated most of them.

14) do you know who jonathan richman is?

15) are you glad you wear glasses?

Glasses are good for painting because they protect against splashes. They are bad for swimming.

16) what is the last dream you remember?

I can't remember. I think it might have had sex in it.

17) do you like opera music more than rap?

They are both crap.

18) Was Balthus a great artist?

No. I thought he was still alive. His paintings are quite good, but a little conservative.

19) Why is Henri Rousseau appealing to many gallery goers?

He has a nice story, his pictures have appealing subjects, are quite clear and that's it.

20) Is Ellsworth Kelly a greater artist than Magritte?

Magritte is very good. Kelly is quite good. So I'll go for Magritte.

1) How often do you go with booze - days, weeks? Have you ever wondered you
ever had a drink problem or lied about how much you drink?

Not more than once a week at the moment. I've never been a heavy drinker. I like to get drunk sometimes and do stupid stuff. It's also more fun to be drunk at openings.

2) Do you find it easy to forgive people if they hurt your feelings?

Yes. I have quite a poor memory for my own hurt feelings, and I am quite sensitive, and will get pissed off, and then forget about it.

3) How did your current show at Sartorial get it's title?

Buck Naked Painting. It's pictures of naked people. Buck sounds like fuck, and some of them are fucking. I was going to call it bare painting, but then I thought most people didn't seem to get the slang meaning of bare, and it just sounded slightly depressing.

4)Would you ever consider doing a show that consisted purely of drawing?

Probably not. I remember (contradicting a previous answer) your friend (John) saying I was a better drawer than painter, but really much of what painting is, is drawing.

5) can a drwing be a sculpture?

I am sick of this extended meaning of drawing. Easier just to call charcoal or pencil on paper: drawing. And some 3D stuff: sculpture. And paint on canvas: painting.

6) Is it important to go to life drawing classes

I enjoyed it when I was about 16, and went to the Byam Shaw on Saturdays. I felt quite sophisticated and fantasised about meeting an older woman such as an art student at the classes. I can remember having zero conversations with anyone, however. I did some good drawings and it was fun and challenging.Then at The Ruskin I found life drawing the most tedious activity and totally academic and stupid. Now when I am making up naked people out of my head for my new paintings I can feel the ghosts of these various experiences in my system, so it is pretty useful.

7) would you be a decent r.college tutor?

Yes.

8) whats the best advice you've ever recieved?

If you don't know where you're going any road will take you there. Henry Miller. Not personally.

9) what is art?

Art is the good stuff, the best, the closest thing to life. Sounds like a gillette ad.

10) Where is the best art in london?

National Gallery. Courtauld. Wallace Collection.

11) did you ever nick stuff as a child?

No. I was very honest.

1) Have you ever tried writing poetry and are you any good at love letters

I never had any inclination towards poetry or composing music. I wrote a book. I can write love letters. It is just a question, like all writing, of saying something you actually think.

2) What music makes you want to dance?

I like Madonna, Ricky Martin, Black Eyed Peas (?), something catchy and obvious.

3) Is your glass half full or hall empty

My glass is brimming.

4) "Show me a child who was happy at school and i will show you a liar a
cheat or a bully" - is this fair enough statement

It is reasssuring to those of us who disliked school. I think people who were happy at school have a hard time getting over their early success, and that leaves them at a disadvantage in the competitive situation they encounter later in life.

5) What were you like as a 7 year old

Good looking. Ill mannered. Shy.

6) are you scared of south london

I lived in Clapham for a while. I went back there a few months ago, and it was still just as shit. White middle-class people are scared of areas where there are many poorer people with non-white skins. I sometimes suffer from this stupidity.
7) have you ever seen a roman polanski film? do you rate bitter moon or
rosemary's baby?

Yes. I think he is very overrated.

8) is nelson mandela a great man in your eyes

He is pretty great.

9) would you be happier under david cameron

I hate David Cameron because he is a patronising asshole who all the hardcore hang em and slash the health service Tories are pretending to like so they can get the Tories in again. If he wins they think he will go back to trad conservative policies like cutting benefits for poor people and cutting taxes for rich folk. You may guess that I support Labour.

10) is mel brooks funny?

He is ok.
11) are you a highly moral person

I wish I weren't. I don't think morals are that special. I just have a guilty conscience. Many of my friends seem to think that I am im or a-moral, which is flattering.

12) what do you do when your bored

Have sex/masturbate. Read. Depends where I am.

13) what do you like about your mother's paintings?

They sometime have funny slogans on them.

14) Is (NOTE WELL HE IS STILL AROUND!) your father artistic

No he says he is not. But he did an art class a few years ago.

15) what do you remember about your first holiday

Not much. I've seen photos of me floating in a pool in South Africa, but maybe we went somewhere before then.
16) have you ever found kate moss attractive

I was looking at her nipples in one of those celeb photos in a free London paper. They may have aroused a slight erotic response.

17) Have you ever used the expression, "Throw me a frickin' bone"?

18) If you were to eat cheese on toast would you add pickle

By pickle you mean Branston I guess, not a dill pickle/ a gherkin in English. I don't like Branston Pickle but I might have a bit of Worcester or Ketchup or Chutney.

19) what will be your downfall

Friends like you.

20) is woody allen funny

I like Manhattan and Annie Hall. The rest I can take or leave.